ControlTop Pantyhose

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ControlTop Pantyhose

Control Top Pantyhose

Well there I was at K-Mart

on that dreadful, horrid day,

Shopping blue-light specials

and passing time away.

It was a lovely morning

there was magic in the air.

I never would have dreamed that

I was moments from despair!

I looked quit dashing in my suit

a charming shade or red.

And with my stomach sucked and tucked

I really turned some heads!

You see, I don't wear girdles

because that was grandma's style

They bound you up and turned you blue

you couldn't even smile!

So I'm hip today and dress it

just like all the rest...

Us women, we wear pantyhose

they hide the flab the best!

It happened in the toy aisle

where little children play,

I felt a "run" sneak up on me

my Control Tops gave away!

Well POUNDS of flesh and flab and chub

tumbled left and right...

And people scattered everywhere

to escape my cellulite!

As the run split down my wist and legs

it set my fat thighs free,

And everybody standing by

saw the truth of me.

People fainted, retched and screamed

I really could have died!

I tried to look anonymous

but there was no place I could hide.

"In that red suit, " somebody said,

"with her white fat bursting free,

She looks like a zit erupting. Look!

Lookit! Don't you see?"

They pointed and they shouted but

that still was not the worst.

The worst was when they evacuated

women and children first!

"Attention K-Mart shoppers!"

the intercom began,

"There was an "Act of God" in Toys

so get out while you can!"

If only it had ended there

and my agony been brief...

But so much more occurred that day

I wasn't spared relief!

My thunder thighs slapped up against

both aisles all stacked with toys.

And I wiped out the whole shibang

with most impressive noise.

My rolls of fat, my tubs of lard

attacked the plastic ships.

And the Rambo dolls could not compete

with my enormous hips!

Barbie dolls and G.I. Joes and

balls and games all flew,

My Control Tops now were all in shreds

there was nothing I could do!

"Why's that lady doing that?"

a little kid cried out.

Apparently he didn't know

what Control Top's all about!

A sudden hush befell the crowd

and I PROMISE this is true...

O'Reilly stood before me with

a television crew!

"You're going to make the headlines,"

O'Reilly smiled his evil way,

"This whole thing's so exciting!

You've really made our day!"

Of course I died a thousand deaths

embarrassment was great!

But O'Reilly didn't care

he thought that it was fate.

Please let me die, I prayed to God

just take me home to You.

"I know!" O'Reilly screamed to all

let's call Geraldo too!"

I won't bother with the rest

the memory pains me so...

But I have a word of warning

for you before you go.

Don't ever wear Control Tops

if you are built like me.

Don't ever shop at K-Mart

unless you wear size three.

Don't ever play with Rambo dolls

don't watch O'Reilly's news,

And don't forget this story, girls

when you have the blues!

tammy skaggs